Surviving Sexual Abuse
I am a childhood sexual abuse survivor, and I can declare that with my head high instead of shame. I didn’t always reason or feel that way, as for the majority of my teen and adult years were filled with shame and guilt and turmoil and most of all….unrelenting depression.
Always perplexed about why and how the entire abuse all came about and was handled, I was doomed when I came across unqualified (I put my hands in their care) therapists beginning in the early 1990’s, who struggled to unlock the secrets I had been holding inside for so many years. As I said, unqualified, considering my first attempt at Psychodynamic Psychotherapy was a complete catastrophe and catapulted me into a life of major depression, thus leading to hospitalizations, future suicide attempts etc. This therapist was way over her head treating my case, and should have ‘ceased and desisted’ the moment I was initially hospitalized.
Nonetheless, long story short, I finally, after many, many therapists and years….found a therapist who held the key to my “closing the vault” on this entire issue. I felt I was “cured” and over this entire sexual abuse issue; relieved of triggers, nightmares, fears and disgust of myself, but now I find myself back in the throes of this PTSD once again when presented with an eating disorder earlier last year and the attempts to save my failing marriage which has been a work in progress. I’m still dealing with PTSD, and at times I wonder if it will ever cease. Back in therapy once again to reopen the wounds so I can attempt to heal once more.
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