There’s even a misunderstanding with the chronic pain people endure due to fibromyalgia, some people don’t see it as a disability.
Be kind, don’t judge.
Who was I kidding, reuniting again with my mother. I should have left things alone after no communication for three years, but no I had these grand ideas in May of this year of reconciling. How many times have I attempted to make it work before? Three, perhaps four? I’ve never truly had this woman’s tenderness or support for fifty some odd years, and it ‘aint ever going to happen.
Why can’t I get this through my thick skull and I allow myself to be disillusioned repeatedly? But, was craving for parents, namely a mother who truly loved me instead of criticizing and showing my brother the same affection that I deserved, too much to ask for? I don’t think it was.
You constantly told me to lose weight, criticized me too many times, making me feel worthless and sub-par. I lost weight when you saw me this May, I thought you’d be so proud of me and things would be different; guess it didn’t matter.
But mom, you surpassed yourself this time, with selfish words again, and presented the “toxic mother” that you are, sent in reply to an e-mail a few days ago.
This year was productive in therapy. I can breathe after 51 years. Yes, I can finally breathe now with no fear of a meltdown, flashbacks or sudden tears as I know for certain that the man who abused me when I was six was a bad man. I can watch Dr. Phil when he has a guest who was sexually abused, not have nightmares, and therapy has helped me recognize that it wasn’t my fault.
The numerous articles i’ve written about my abuse on this blog, described how my next door neighbor gratified his needs, yet sent me onto a hellish future. He deceived me, pretended to like me and tricked me into thinking I was ‘special’, yet planning and taking advantage of every chance he could get to abuse me.