What about the Funeral? ~ When Your Abuser or Estranged Relative Dies

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Yes, what about the funeral, what about when your abuser dies?  Are you expected to attend, expected to pay for costs, feel guilty and make excuses for not attending?  It’s a crappy time for everyone.  Do I pretend or fake I’m sad?  Why should I pay for years of misery and abuse?

My narcissistic mother is not in the picture anymore, however, if she passed away how would the funeral be handled?  (I’ve already answered that, but will keep my answer private).

Searching high and low for a detailed answer, I came across this well-written article:


One of the biggest dilemmas faced by escapees from abusive families is what to do when our abuser or estranged relative dies. Should we appear at the wake and funeral, or not? Should we go to the burial?  Should we send flowers? Should we offer our condolences- and if so, to whom?

To the very people who took our abuser’s side against us or shunned us from their family?  What kind of act will we have to put on if people offer condolences to US?  How will we be able to pretend that the death of our abuser was a great loss when we can’t even come up with one nice thing to say about him?

See the rest of this article at:
http://www.luke173ministries.org/655609

(reposted with editing)

Published by

cherished79

I am a Mental Health Advocate for mental illness Stigma. In 2007, I created the "Living in Stigma" blog, with the purpose and anticipation of educating people about mental illness. Depression is part of this illness, which intertwines with those struggling with PTSD, chronic pain, and other invisible illnesses. I am a chronic migraine sufferer myself, and a sexual and emotional abuse survivor. My passions are writing, poetry, and art. All abuse Survivors are also Warriors.

2 thoughts on “What about the Funeral? ~ When Your Abuser or Estranged Relative Dies”

  1. go no ware near them .let them rot ,it is bad enough all the DAMAGE/SCARES they did..i could
    not .no matter if they was a relative or not .i was abused sexually by different adults i am
    alive ..you are alive .NOT a day goes by with out flash backs /night mares ..i sit i cry have a
    really Snotty Nose MOST DAYS ..how i cope//people never see the every day effects .
    very very well done for talking about sexual abuse

    my blog.http;//mark-kent.webs.com

    Liked by 1 person

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