Unfortunately, I am the daughter of a narcissistic mother, and the words above describe my mother to a tee. Going “No Contact” with her in 2013 was difficult at first but the wisest decision I have ever made.
(I will be writing future articles on PTSD and emotional abuse relating to parental narcissism, as it crushed my soul and ruined my life for countless years.)
My blog was very much cathartic and so happy I started mine. When I realized that thousands of other people in the same position were sharing their personal experiences and now unafraid to let their “secrets” out, it felt rewarding. We have held our wounds inside for too many years protecting the abusers. Thank you for creating your new blog, please keep in touch. Warmly, Deb 🙂
Thank you for your kind reply. I hope to share your exprience. Im sure with time I will be less afraid to share my story. For now I am just taking one small step at a time.
I’ve never met or spoken to anyone who has a mother like mine and it feels comforting to know there are others out there.
It took me so many years in therapy (over 20) to really uncover the “real” problem that was causing all of my pain and the way I thought of myself (ugly, worthless, stupid, unforgivingly obese, no man would ever marry me, etc), and I truly believed I was flawed. I scratched my head as to why I was always depressed, felt crappy when I was supposed to feel not crappy, and then as I plodded along and discovered how this nasty woman’s voice continually told me these negative things, while my therapist was forever pointing out what I accomplished all of my years, I began to see the problem. It was HER, not ME!. I also read this amazing book by John Bloch (think that’s his name) called “The Loveless Family”, and that really opened my eyes.
Of course, I lived in a household with a loveless family – mainly this hateful woman who despised me the moment I appeared from her womb and found out she had a daughter. I also discovered, not to let her off the hook, but she also had a horrible “loveless” family life and her mother was a narcissist and treated her like shit. Hence the pass down possibly of the abuse (I’m only surmising this). But in hindsight, I was forever trying to please my mother, and as we know you can NEVER please a narcissist. In short, I cut off ties (I had to save my sanity!) 5 years ago, including ties with my “golden boy” brother and it was the best decision I ever made. Breathing is much better.
Sorry to ramble on. I want to warn anyone who is tied into a narcissistic relationship and who is drowning – cut off ties. It’s the only way to go. Keep me up to date, this is a helluva ride. Love, Deb
Great article and post to include on your blog. So many people have been emotionally abused by their mothers. If not for therapy, I wouldn’t have recognized this, and frankly, I was stunned how the narcissistic personality almost perfectly described my mother’s odd behavior. I notice on your blog it states you are an Amazon Assoc. Are you a Merch seller also?
I used to be. Alas, I was unsuccessful. Thank you for your heartfelt insight! I am so grateful to have met you and look forward to more of your publications. ♡ My mother was the self centered type B and actually showed remorse so we have been able to rebuild. She did not show a need for admiration, but there were several years of no contact and grief processing before we got there. I have met a Type A Narcissist and I was sure she was the devil. My heart broke for her children, as she only saw them as an extension of her own talent. I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience this.
The reason I asked about Amazon is I sell my graphic designs re: t-shirts on Amazon Merch (not very successfully), and also products on Redbubble, Zazzle etc. My intent wasn’t to make millions, as they are quick to show how to on YouTube but to escape the pain of migraines via my artsy designs. So happy we have connected also.
Any form of creativity is most admirable, especially in the midst of suffering. I also find relief in assigning pain a function. My hat is off to you good lady. I am no saleswoman. 😅
LOL, I’m sticking to my writing passion where I’ve found more success and commitment, rather than banking on making millions with my other passion which is art! I like to design, yet not so keen or polished on the marketing/sales side either. 🙂
Haha I like to draw and experiment with drawing and paint, but I wouldn’t call it a passion. I am more of an art appreciater. We definitely have a shared passion for writing though! I would be content to do nothing but read and write for the rest of my life. Ahh, maybe someday. How old are you, Deb? ♡Jaymie
I am 62 and have to admit, I would also be content to just write my days away. This is actually how this blog got started. I had all of these articles written way back when, then blogging came along and I thought, hey, what the heck, maybe some people may want to read what I have written. And they did! That was way back in 2005 when I started my first blog (not this one).
Wow! That is a feat. I am only 29, but I also had a blog back in 2005 (also not this one). I also write poetry. I have kept a journal since the age of 12 so it comes quite naturally.
Thank you for writing I found a lot of valuable information in your blog. I’ve nearly really consider why my mother acts the way she does .
Like your previous comments I too love reading and writing and I’m glad I Finally started a blog too. I think it’s the outlet I need.
Thanks for sharing. I hope you are well on the way of your healing journey
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My blog was very much cathartic and so happy I started mine. When I realized that thousands of other people in the same position were sharing their personal experiences and now unafraid to let their “secrets” out, it felt rewarding. We have held our wounds inside for too many years protecting the abusers. Thank you for creating your new blog, please keep in touch. Warmly, Deb 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your kind reply. I hope to share your exprience. Im sure with time I will be less afraid to share my story. For now I am just taking one small step at a time.
I’ve never met or spoken to anyone who has a mother like mine and it feels comforting to know there are others out there.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It took me so many years in therapy (over 20) to really uncover the “real” problem that was causing all of my pain and the way I thought of myself (ugly, worthless, stupid, unforgivingly obese, no man would ever marry me, etc), and I truly believed I was flawed. I scratched my head as to why I was always depressed, felt crappy when I was supposed to feel not crappy, and then as I plodded along and discovered how this nasty woman’s voice continually told me these negative things, while my therapist was forever pointing out what I accomplished all of my years, I began to see the problem. It was HER, not ME!. I also read this amazing book by John Bloch (think that’s his name) called “The Loveless Family”, and that really opened my eyes.
Of course, I lived in a household with a loveless family – mainly this hateful woman who despised me the moment I appeared from her womb and found out she had a daughter. I also discovered, not to let her off the hook, but she also had a horrible “loveless” family life and her mother was a narcissist and treated her like shit. Hence the pass down possibly of the abuse (I’m only surmising this). But in hindsight, I was forever trying to please my mother, and as we know you can NEVER please a narcissist. In short, I cut off ties (I had to save my sanity!) 5 years ago, including ties with my “golden boy” brother and it was the best decision I ever made. Breathing is much better.
Sorry to ramble on. I want to warn anyone who is tied into a narcissistic relationship and who is drowning – cut off ties. It’s the only way to go. Keep me up to date, this is a helluva ride. Love, Deb
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Looking forward to this Deb. I wrote a post on this topic as well. Maybe it will help. ♡ https://deskraven228703.wordpress.com/2018/11/14/how-to-cope-with-a-narcissistic-mother/
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great article and post to include on your blog. So many people have been emotionally abused by their mothers. If not for therapy, I wouldn’t have recognized this, and frankly, I was stunned how the narcissistic personality almost perfectly described my mother’s odd behavior. I notice on your blog it states you are an Amazon Assoc. Are you a Merch seller also?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I used to be. Alas, I was unsuccessful. Thank you for your heartfelt insight! I am so grateful to have met you and look forward to more of your publications. ♡ My mother was the self centered type B and actually showed remorse so we have been able to rebuild. She did not show a need for admiration, but there were several years of no contact and grief processing before we got there. I have met a Type A Narcissist and I was sure she was the devil. My heart broke for her children, as she only saw them as an extension of her own talent. I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The reason I asked about Amazon is I sell my graphic designs re: t-shirts on Amazon Merch (not very successfully), and also products on Redbubble, Zazzle etc. My intent wasn’t to make millions, as they are quick to show how to on YouTube but to escape the pain of migraines via my artsy designs. So happy we have connected also.
LikeLike
Any form of creativity is most admirable, especially in the midst of suffering. I also find relief in assigning pain a function. My hat is off to you good lady. I am no saleswoman. 😅
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL, I’m sticking to my writing passion where I’ve found more success and commitment, rather than banking on making millions with my other passion which is art! I like to design, yet not so keen or polished on the marketing/sales side either. 🙂
LikeLike
Haha I like to draw and experiment with drawing and paint, but I wouldn’t call it a passion. I am more of an art appreciater. We definitely have a shared passion for writing though! I would be content to do nothing but read and write for the rest of my life. Ahh, maybe someday. How old are you, Deb? ♡Jaymie
LikeLike
I am 62 and have to admit, I would also be content to just write my days away. This is actually how this blog got started. I had all of these articles written way back when, then blogging came along and I thought, hey, what the heck, maybe some people may want to read what I have written. And they did! That was way back in 2005 when I started my first blog (not this one).
LikeLiked by 2 people
Wow! That is a feat. I am only 29, but I also had a blog back in 2005 (also not this one). I also write poetry. I have kept a journal since the age of 12 so it comes quite naturally.
LikeLike