Unfortunately, I am the daughter of a narcissistic mother, and the words above describe my mother to a tee. Going “No Contact” with her in 2013 was difficult at first but the wisest decision I have ever made.
(I will write future articles on PTSD and emotional abuse relating to parental narcissism, as it crushed my soul and ruined my life for countless years.)
Deb
Dr. Karyl McBride’s Website
Other Links on here:
How PTSD Impacts Our Lives
Unloved Daughters and Problems with Friendship
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cherished79
I am a Mental Health Advocate for mental illness Stigma. In 2007, I created the "Living in Stigma" blog, with the purpose and anticipation of educating people about mental illness. Depression is part of this illness, which intertwines with those struggling with PTSD, chronic pain, and other invisible illnesses. I am a chronic migraine sufferer myself, and a sexual and emotional abuse survivor. My passions are writing, poetry, and art. All abuse Survivors are also Warriors.
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I’m to grew up with a narcissistic mother and I’m working at the no contact thing. I just can’t take it any more. It would be different if she was getting counseling and taking medication but she has no desire to do either or to change. So she’s kinda making the decision herself. It’s just super hard. God bless!
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It takes frustration, guts and plenty of love for yourself to finally decide to cut ties with someone who has treated you so terrribly most of your life, that you don’t want them in your life anymore. After all of my hellish years, I gave my head a knock and realized this woman was NEVER going to change because a narcissist doesn’t know they are narcissists. No councelling, therapy or whatever talk would do anything because it was never “their” fault in the first place – it was all you fault. Cutting ties was the best move I made five years ago. I’ve never run into her (we live in the same city), and at first I was a bit nervous, but now, I don’t really care! She’s the bitch.
Yes, it’s super hard to make this decision, but all I can say is she will hang on to you for as long as she can, making you always feel guilty for nothing that you have done. The choice is yours. Cut ties completely. I had to with my brother also (the golden boy), as he was definately my mother’s son. Thinking about you, I’m with you all the way. Warmly, Deb
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Sadly I feel your right. My counselor says she’s not going to change either. I have hung onto hope for so long but that hope is gone.
Yesterday was so hard for me. I don’t know why after all she’s done. First Mother’s Day I didn’t call or do anything for her. When I was there helping with my grandmother not to long ago, of course my grandmother was getting all the attention and my mom can’t handle that so she comes up with all these petty ailments so you’ll help her and feel sorry for her, like pink or hives, crazy crap like that while my grandmothers fighting for her life. I don’t play games with her any more so she got mad at me abt that and because I told her I didn’t want her crazy boyfriend calling me again. He calls yelling at me because she calls him hysterical cus I didn’t do this or that because I’m helping my grandmother which was what she wanted and why I came in the first place. she kept complaining how she does everything and she’s all alone🙄 then you come and it’s still not good enough. After I said I didn’t want him to call me again, she says you don’t have to worry about him calling you again, I won’t call you again and I never want to see you again!
My husband was standing there in shock couldn’t believe what she said. He looked at me and said “Go pack you s***! We’re leaving!”
Now it’s literally this huge nightmare, she’s stolen like upwards of a $100,000 from my grandmother. Sending to all these internet men who don’t exist and on herself. FBI is involved. A nightmare I never thought I’d be in.
Thank you for your encouragement and sweet words.
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Thank you for writing I found a lot of valuable information in your blog. I’ve nearly really consider why my mother acts the way she does .
Like your previous comments I too love reading and writing and I’m glad I Finally started a blog too. I think it’s the outlet I need.
Thanks for sharing. I hope you are well on the way of your healing journey
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My blog was very much cathartic and so happy I started mine. When I realized that thousands of other people in the same position were sharing their personal experiences and now unafraid to let their “secrets” out, it felt rewarding. We have held our wounds inside for too many years protecting the abusers. Thank you for creating your new blog, please keep in touch. Warmly, Deb 🙂
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Thank you for your kind reply. I hope to share your exprience. Im sure with time I will be less afraid to share my story. For now I am just taking one small step at a time.
I’ve never met or spoken to anyone who has a mother like mine and it feels comforting to know there are others out there.
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It took me so many years in therapy (over 20) to really uncover the “real” problem that was causing all of my pain and the way I thought of myself (ugly, worthless, stupid, unforgivingly obese, no man would ever marry me, etc), and I truly believed I was flawed. I scratched my head as to why I was always depressed, felt crappy when I was supposed to feel not crappy, and then as I plodded along and discovered how this nasty woman’s voice continually told me these negative things, while my therapist was forever pointing out what I accomplished all of my years, I began to see the problem. It was HER, not ME!. I also read this amazing book by John Bloch (think that’s his name) called “The Loveless Family”, and that really opened my eyes.
Of course, I lived in a household with a loveless family – mainly this hateful woman who despised me the moment I appeared from her womb and found out she had a daughter. I also discovered, not to let her off the hook, but she also had a horrible “loveless” family life and her mother was a narcissist and treated her like shit. Hence the pass down possibly of the abuse (I’m only surmising this). But in hindsight, I was forever trying to please my mother, and as we know you can NEVER please a narcissist. In short, I cut off ties (I had to save my sanity!) 5 years ago, including ties with my “golden boy” brother and it was the best decision I ever made. Breathing is much better.
Sorry to ramble on. I want to warn anyone who is tied into a narcissistic relationship and who is drowning – cut off ties. It’s the only way to go. Keep me up to date, this is a helluva ride. Love, Deb
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Looking forward to this Deb. I wrote a post on this topic as well. Maybe it will help. ♡ https://deskraven228703.wordpress.com/2018/11/14/how-to-cope-with-a-narcissistic-mother/
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Great article and post to include on your blog. So many people have been emotionally abused by their mothers. If not for therapy, I wouldn’t have recognized this, and frankly, I was stunned how the narcissistic personality almost perfectly described my mother’s odd behavior. I notice on your blog it states you are an Amazon Assoc. Are you a Merch seller also?
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I used to be. Alas, I was unsuccessful. Thank you for your heartfelt insight! I am so grateful to have met you and look forward to more of your publications. ♡ My mother was the self centered type B and actually showed remorse so we have been able to rebuild. She did not show a need for admiration, but there were several years of no contact and grief processing before we got there. I have met a Type A Narcissist and I was sure she was the devil. My heart broke for her children, as she only saw them as an extension of her own talent. I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience this.
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The reason I asked about Amazon is I sell my graphic designs re: t-shirts on Amazon Merch (not very successfully), and also products on Redbubble, Zazzle etc. My intent wasn’t to make millions, as they are quick to show how to on YouTube but to escape the pain of migraines via my artsy designs. So happy we have connected also.
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Any form of creativity is most admirable, especially in the midst of suffering. I also find relief in assigning pain a function. My hat is off to you good lady. I am no saleswoman. 😅
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LOL, I’m sticking to my writing passion where I’ve found more success and commitment, rather than banking on making millions with my other passion which is art! I like to design, yet not so keen or polished on the marketing/sales side either. 🙂
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Haha I like to draw and experiment with drawing and paint, but I wouldn’t call it a passion. I am more of an art appreciater. We definitely have a shared passion for writing though! I would be content to do nothing but read and write for the rest of my life. Ahh, maybe someday. How old are you, Deb? ♡Jaymie
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I am 62 and have to admit, I would also be content to just write my days away. This is actually how this blog got started. I had all of these articles written way back when, then blogging came along and I thought, hey, what the heck, maybe some people may want to read what I have written. And they did! That was way back in 2005 when I started my first blog (not this one).
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Wow! That is a feat. I am only 29, but I also had a blog back in 2005 (also not this one). I also write poetry. I have kept a journal since the age of 12 so it comes quite naturally.
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