I wrote this quote referring to my narcissistic mother. She fails to recall the days of ignoring me, criticizing or showing no empathy, nor caring about me the way a mother should. Her emotional abuse has had an enormous impact on my life, and I remain in psychotherapy to this day.
Now she is elderly, feels isolated and displays signs of illness questioning “Why don’t you ever visit or come over for lunch because it’s lonely every day in this apartment?”. Hmmm, I wonder why? Typical narcissist, not recognizing their own personality.
I finally went NO CONTACT three years ago as I was tired of her never-ending abuse. Best decision I ever made.
16 thoughts on “Quote – PTSD – Narcissistic abuse from mom”
I no longer talk to my mother either. She turned her head away from the abuse my father inflicted and still to this day protects him and “the family.” Sometimes, no contact is necessary.
Wow, I am so proud of you for going no contact and doing what’s best for yourself. You are incredibly strong for being able to do that. Your mother may not understand, but you are taking care of yourself and that’s what matters. Wish you all the best – speak766
Hi, I’ve been following your blog for awhile now, but this one really spoke to me. I had much the same experience with my mother and 14 years ago I did the same thing. I said No more! I was tired of being abused and used and I had to do it for my sanity! Keep up the very hard work, I know how you feel!
I apologize for the delay, but this was hiding in my spam folder. 😦 Thanks for commenting and following. Yes, I grew weary of her ‘woe is me’, yet still nasty as ever. Enough is enough and going NO Contact was the best move I ever made. I also cut off contact with my brother (golden child), who scratches his head to this day wondering why I never got along with our dear, sweet mother. 🙂
Been there. My abuse was severe, and I often say I survived my childhood. I write about it; although, I try to tone it down because people become overwhelmed by it.
I apologize for the late reply but this was in my spam folder! Your other comment came through just fine. I read your post and it was eloquently written. The posts I write about sexual abuse are toned down also, however, I try to remember to attach a “trigger warning”. Thanks for commenting and stopping by. 🙂
Thank you. I trained in writing in college and have been a freelancer for years. My first love was writing–second psychology, but they go hand-in-hand. What I realized in writing about my abuse is that most people have no reference point for the complete terror to which these types of personalities subject their children. My mother and father were psychopaths. Psychopaths do not play well with their children. I suffered pain and terror relentlessly. Now people figure I should just get over it. Oh that my scars could dissipate so easily.
Wow, I wished I could have afforded to go to college to fulfill my writing passion, unfortunately, in the 1970’s when you graduated high school and where I lived you took courses to become a secretary 😦 Women were expected to only use their brain for that profession unless you had the money to go to college/university for a degree. Therefore, my writing experience comes from years of having my nose in books to escape the rageful screams of my mother.
Actually–I went to college in the 70’s. I went on the Pell Grant. I wanted to go into medicine at the time. Turned down an invite when I was 23. Followed a hell of a long trail to get my degree. Had a prof create a one-on-one course in writing for me in my 30’s. Stuck my nose in them books when I was a kid, too. It was the only time my mother left me alone. I had a mentor in writing when I hit the University, so I was doubly lucky. I raised two kids alone after my husband died in 1980. Took me a loooong time to finish college.
Kudos to you, and pat yourself on the back with raising 2 kids and getting a degree as a single parent. I read your post on having MS and sorry to hear of your struggle with that invisible illness. Did you want to do some guest posts for my blog? You’re welcome to. I’m very isolated now with chronic migraines and on CPP (Canada) disability (gov’t) until I’m 65. Luckily, I’m still on my former company’s health plan which pays for medication, therapy and a few other necessities. This blog give me a purpose everyday.
I’d love to, but I am just keeping up with my work. I’m finishing a book and just got invited to submit my resume today for a job offer. Great to have a new friend, though.
Actually–I’m just barely able to keep up with my own work. I’m finishing a book, and I’ve just been invited to submit a resume for a freelance position. I could use a friend though…
I completely relate to what you are saying here. When I was 16 years old, way back in 1969, a doctor advised me to go no contact with my entire family. Actually, what he said was: “I have spoken at length with all of the adults in your family (grandparents as well as parents), and I have never met a group of people so selfish and unloving as your relatives. I have no doubt in my mind that they are the reason you got sick. My advice to you is to get as far away from your family as you possibly can, as soon as you possibly can, and never go back. If you don’t, they will make you sick again.”
I should have listened to his advice! But I so desperately wanted a loving family, that I kept going back to that toxic well, looking for life-giving water, over and over again, for more than 40 years. I kept thinking that if I was good enough, they would grow to love me. But I could never be perfect enough to suit them, and I kept getting hurt over and over and over again.
I was in my late 50s when I finally went no contact. And then my mother, always the worst of the bunch, wrote me a 62 page hate letter, telling me how horrible I am for ignoring my poor old elderly widowed mother. And to really twist the knife, she gave copies of that letter to my siblings and my aunt.
I did not read any of it. My loving husband got the mail that day. When he saw the thick, multi stamped envelope from my momster, became I had previously given him permission to read or toss anything that came from her, he read part of it — and quickly became enraged by what he later told me was all her “hate and jealousy.” He took the letter to the dumpsters and tore all 62 pages to bits.
Not wanting to hurt me, he did not tell me about the letter. But a few days later, my aunt sent me an email telling me how outraged she was by my mother’s evil letter. (My aunt went no contact with her then, and has remained solidly in my corner ever since.) My aunt, of course, had no way of knowing that my husband had protected me from that poison pen letter.
According to my aunt, one of the crazy things my momster wrote in her letter to me was that, although I have never apologized to her for being her daughter, she “forgives me anyway.”
Wow. How magnanimous of her. Can you imagine how very sorry I am for being her daughter?!!
Malignant narcissists only become worse with age.
PS: I can’t remember if I have told you about my momster’s 62 page hate letter already or not. I do talk about it occasionally on blogs, and I forget who I have told and who I haven’t told. My apologies if I am repeating myself.
I am so sorry that you also have an unloving mother. Every child needs and deserves to be loved by his or her own mother. It breaks my heart, how many of us there are. Here is a great big empathetic ((HUG)) if you want one.
I no longer talk to my mother either. She turned her head away from the abuse my father inflicted and still to this day protects him and “the family.” Sometimes, no contact is necessary.
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Wow, I am so proud of you for going no contact and doing what’s best for yourself. You are incredibly strong for being able to do that. Your mother may not understand, but you are taking care of yourself and that’s what matters. Wish you all the best – speak766
LikeLike
Hi, I’ve been following your blog for awhile now, but this one really spoke to me. I had much the same experience with my mother and 14 years ago I did the same thing. I said No more! I was tired of being abused and used and I had to do it for my sanity! Keep up the very hard work, I know how you feel!
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I apologize for the delay, but this was hiding in my spam folder. 😦 Thanks for commenting and following. Yes, I grew weary of her ‘woe is me’, yet still nasty as ever. Enough is enough and going NO Contact was the best move I ever made. I also cut off contact with my brother (golden child), who scratches his head to this day wondering why I never got along with our dear, sweet mother. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Been there. My abuse was severe, and I often say I survived my childhood. I write about it; although, I try to tone it down because people become overwhelmed by it.
LikeLike
I apologize for the late reply but this was in my spam folder! Your other comment came through just fine. I read your post and it was eloquently written. The posts I write about sexual abuse are toned down also, however, I try to remember to attach a “trigger warning”. Thanks for commenting and stopping by. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. I trained in writing in college and have been a freelancer for years. My first love was writing–second psychology, but they go hand-in-hand. What I realized in writing about my abuse is that most people have no reference point for the complete terror to which these types of personalities subject their children. My mother and father were psychopaths. Psychopaths do not play well with their children. I suffered pain and terror relentlessly. Now people figure I should just get over it. Oh that my scars could dissipate so easily.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Wow, I wished I could have afforded to go to college to fulfill my writing passion, unfortunately, in the 1970’s when you graduated high school and where I lived you took courses to become a secretary 😦 Women were expected to only use their brain for that profession unless you had the money to go to college/university for a degree. Therefore, my writing experience comes from years of having my nose in books to escape the rageful screams of my mother.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Actually–I went to college in the 70’s. I went on the Pell Grant. I wanted to go into medicine at the time. Turned down an invite when I was 23. Followed a hell of a long trail to get my degree. Had a prof create a one-on-one course in writing for me in my 30’s. Stuck my nose in them books when I was a kid, too. It was the only time my mother left me alone. I had a mentor in writing when I hit the University, so I was doubly lucky. I raised two kids alone after my husband died in 1980. Took me a loooong time to finish college.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Kudos to you, and pat yourself on the back with raising 2 kids and getting a degree as a single parent. I read your post on having MS and sorry to hear of your struggle with that invisible illness. Did you want to do some guest posts for my blog? You’re welcome to. I’m very isolated now with chronic migraines and on CPP (Canada) disability (gov’t) until I’m 65. Luckily, I’m still on my former company’s health plan which pays for medication, therapy and a few other necessities. This blog give me a purpose everyday.
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I’d love to, but I am just keeping up with my work. I’m finishing a book and just got invited to submit my resume today for a job offer. Great to have a new friend, though.
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Sure, just let me know. 🙂
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I will and thank you.
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Actually–I’m just barely able to keep up with my own work. I’m finishing a book, and I’ve just been invited to submit a resume for a freelance position. I could use a friend though…
LikeLike
Crossed fingers for the freelance position and you’ve got a new friend. Have a great weekend.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good for you for going no contact!
I completely relate to what you are saying here. When I was 16 years old, way back in 1969, a doctor advised me to go no contact with my entire family. Actually, what he said was: “I have spoken at length with all of the adults in your family (grandparents as well as parents), and I have never met a group of people so selfish and unloving as your relatives. I have no doubt in my mind that they are the reason you got sick. My advice to you is to get as far away from your family as you possibly can, as soon as you possibly can, and never go back. If you don’t, they will make you sick again.”
I should have listened to his advice! But I so desperately wanted a loving family, that I kept going back to that toxic well, looking for life-giving water, over and over again, for more than 40 years. I kept thinking that if I was good enough, they would grow to love me. But I could never be perfect enough to suit them, and I kept getting hurt over and over and over again.
I was in my late 50s when I finally went no contact. And then my mother, always the worst of the bunch, wrote me a 62 page hate letter, telling me how horrible I am for ignoring my poor old elderly widowed mother. And to really twist the knife, she gave copies of that letter to my siblings and my aunt.
I did not read any of it. My loving husband got the mail that day. When he saw the thick, multi stamped envelope from my momster, became I had previously given him permission to read or toss anything that came from her, he read part of it — and quickly became enraged by what he later told me was all her “hate and jealousy.” He took the letter to the dumpsters and tore all 62 pages to bits.
Not wanting to hurt me, he did not tell me about the letter. But a few days later, my aunt sent me an email telling me how outraged she was by my mother’s evil letter. (My aunt went no contact with her then, and has remained solidly in my corner ever since.) My aunt, of course, had no way of knowing that my husband had protected me from that poison pen letter.
According to my aunt, one of the crazy things my momster wrote in her letter to me was that, although I have never apologized to her for being her daughter, she “forgives me anyway.”
Wow. How magnanimous of her. Can you imagine how very sorry I am for being her daughter?!!
Malignant narcissists only become worse with age.
PS: I can’t remember if I have told you about my momster’s 62 page hate letter already or not. I do talk about it occasionally on blogs, and I forget who I have told and who I haven’t told. My apologies if I am repeating myself.
I am so sorry that you also have an unloving mother. Every child needs and deserves to be loved by his or her own mother. It breaks my heart, how many of us there are. Here is a great big empathetic ((HUG)) if you want one.
LikeLike