BLACK DEPRESSION
Hollowness, loneliness
Black hole
No light at the top
Drowning
No one saving me
Why?
No future
Just black dreams
Despair
Feels like a prison cell
Handcuffed
Black fog
Feeling the fog between my fingertips
Nothingness
Empty
No treatments working?
No doctors helping?
Why?
What kind of life is this
Black death sentence
Written & copyright by Deb McCarthy
Feel for you so. Well written ❤️
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Thanks for your kind words. I actually wrote that poem referring to years ago when I was in a depressive ‘mess’. Didn’t know if I would ever recover or improve, and the docs didn’t have a solution either. Frankly, they scratched their heads often doling out ‘this and that’ med hoping they would strike it lucky. They were bozos, I was ill for 9 years! You wonder?
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Good grief! You know, when even people whom we put our hope in, like Doctors, fail us, the depression gets worse and we often feel as if we’ll NEVER recover!
Wow, for 9 years….that’s so horrible. Depression swallows you up doesn’t it? Like you’ve fallen down a black well and cannot see anything, and feel totally locked in. It’s so tough. I hope you’re through the worst of it now…it’s a horrible condition! xx
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Yes, it’s a relief to be on the other side of darkness and relieved when another pdoc stepped into ‘save’ me from the idiot who was doing nothing but sending me for ECTs. Thanks for commenting. 🙂
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I love what you write. And I had the misfortune of being sent to a NEW psychiatrist the other day. OMG…he actually said to me ‘so what do you hope to gain by this meeting?’ Seriously??? So I answered in a sarcastic way, coz I was so peeved and alarmed, ‘Oh, how about fixing my fuking broken brain!’ Then a pack of fags fell out of his pocket, and so I then said ‘and how can I help YOU give up smoking?’…useless twit!
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Love it! The first psychiatrist I had was about 70, smoked his brains out (had smokes in suit pocket) and coughed his brains out at every visit.
Anyways, he actually asked me, “So do think you have depression?” (between coughs including phlegm). Geeez, you tell me, goofball. Your new pdoc sounds promising! 😦
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hahaha! OMG that’s funny. I’m a bit behind on answering and writing of late, coz my daughter had a baby! Can’t believe I’m a granny! God, don’t feel old enough LOL…on the Psychiatrists, the useless twit with the greasy hair that I saw, finally called me and left a message to ‘discuss my assessment’. Oh for f…..sakes! ‘Discuss my assessment???? seriously???? are we now RE assessing my broken brain?? oh piss off to him. They’ll just hand out more stuff to shut me up. LOL. x x
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OMG, a grandma, Yippeeee! Who cares about blogging when you have a baby to celebrate. A huge congrats to you and your family. 🙂 🙂 🙂
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Aaw thanks my love! She’s so freaken cute! Think I’ll post a pic on a blog that I took. It’s like the pic of the year. LOL. x x x
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Yes, please do, post plenty! 🙂
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Deb, I too know this feeling…
Always here if you need someone whom truly understands.
Love and hugs 💜 MJ
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Thanks so much, your words feel so comforting. I wrote that poem referring back to the ’90s when I was in horrible shape dealing with depression, not improving, spending long periods in the hospital instead of home, and trusting that the meds/recommended ECTs would be the remedy (they weren’t). Fortunately, I recovered from those dark, dark days, yet still require therapy to deal with PTSD and struggle with chronic migraines which occur daily, causing depression at times. Chronic pain leads to guilt, lonely days, and isolation. Hugs to you also. Deb 🙂
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Yes, I relate to it ALL my darling Deb. Not as dark right now, but I know there are some triggers that could bring it flooding right back for me.
Wishing you well 💜💋 MJ
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Hi sweet MJ, I’m so fortunate that I can say those black days are in the past, yet at times they show up as ‘fog’. Hugs, Deb 🙂
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That’s really good to hear Deb darling. I hope you have plenty of sunshine in your lifetime 💜 MJ
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Wow, thanks so much, and you also. 🙂
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