Mother, Do you deserve a Card? PTSD – Survivors of Abuse

As an unloved daughter of a narcissistic mother, the cards or flowers I handed to her with ‘love’ throughout the years were given with the expectations and desires that one day she would hug me with love.  Giving her a card each year was presented or mailed with a fake smile or strained “Love you always mom.”

She by no means ever deserved a card, lunch or dinner out, and especially a visit when I was an adult.  When I moved across the country, there was one year I ‘neglected’ to send a card or call.  This resulted in a ‘hissy fit,’ possibly threw one of her notorious tantrums including tears, resulting in my father phoning me, blasting “how could you treat your mother like this?”  I can’t recall my reply, but more than likely, I said I was sorry.

A few days passed, and what do I receive in the mail, a multi-page letter from my mother ranting how self-centred I am, this is the way I treat her after everything she’s done for me throughout my life, took care of me, and will sever our relationship now.  This was due to not sending a card?

To be honest, I feel jealous of others who have/had a wonderful mother.

So to all of those who are survivors of narcissistic emotional abuse, or never received the motherly care, empathy, encouragement, and love; I dedicate this post to you. You are all Warriors!

Hugs,
Deb

Published by

cherished79

I am a Mental Health Advocate for mental illness Stigma. In 2007, I created the "Living in Stigma" blog, with the purpose and anticipation of educating people about mental illness. Depression is part of this illness, which intertwines with those struggling with PTSD, chronic pain, and other invisible illnesses. I am a chronic migraine sufferer myself, and a sexual and emotional abuse survivor. My passions are writing, poetry, and art. All abuse Survivors are also Warriors.

16 thoughts on “Mother, Do you deserve a Card? PTSD – Survivors of Abuse”

  1. Here I am in my 40’s working in the field and always knowing but never acknowledging my abuse. Plenty had it worse right?! I hate giving the cards, the gifts or getting them and I do get these lavish “expensive” gifts, (she makes sure I know that they are expensive). It all feels fake, like I am on display and really I just want to be invisible. I tried no contact in my 20’s but it didn’t help, probably because I was married to a narcissist as well. I am now thinking of no or low contact again. Her relationship has ended and to be frank we all would rather her partner than her. Her toxicity has never waned, even though I hope it will and I try and balance the negative with the positive she does.

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  2. Reading your blog and I can completely understand and it’s nice to know I’m not alone in this. And also ….it’s not right ! Lovely blog x keep writing x

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    1. You are not alone, there are so many of us who were emotionally abused children, living under the same roof with an uncaring, nasty narcissistic mother. We were thoroughly confused kids always wondering why we were ignored, criticized, made to feel worthless and most of all became accustomed to being the ‘black sheep’ of the family. I went NO Contact with my mother, it’s the only way. Stay strong, at least after all of these years you know that she was the one at fault. Thanks for commenting. 🙂 Hugs, Deb

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  3. Ithank you for posting this. For are I struggled with mothers day. This was the first year (we have mothers day in march in UK) where I missed my mum and was excited to send her a present. Now we have come to a point of understanding and it is amazing having her back in my life.

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  4. These days I give to my Mum with less resentment than I have in the past. My Mum never makes demands and is grateful to us for showing care of her. She did emotionally neglect me at times, it was a lot of work to realise that, but some Mums are so toxic its not fair to have to fate them with a pretend love that was never returned. ❤

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  5. Thank you for this post. I agree completely with acknowledging some of us DIDN’T have as great a Mum as the ‘Mother Myth’ pressures us to have, and some of them were downright abusive and cruel. I hope you treated yourself well : ) I’m glad I found your blog, from gabrielle in Australia : )

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