No contact and feeling guilty

my child within

  
I must admit on here that I feel guilty not speaking to my father, even though he isnt speaking to me for ridiculous reasons.  I feel guilty as I was programmed to feel guilty when I was child. I don’t know how to not feel guilty. It is still so ingrained in me but I am working on it.

He chose his money over his own flesh and blood. It still hurts.What I know now however, is that it doesnt really matter anymore what he does or doesn’t do. I still love him and always will. He is my Dad. I will not let him hurt me anymore though. I have already decided I am sticking to ‘no contact’ even if one day he does try to speak to me. 

I am still grieving my loss after his suicide attempt and it’s a hurt that can’t be put…

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