PTSD, Narcissism & TRIGGERS: Reliving the crap all over and over again

Just a quick glimpse at a man’s hands with dirty fingernails is my worst trigger, followed by a flashback.  Seems whacky, doesn’t it?

Bad memories of the traumatic event can come back at any time.  You may feel the same fear and horror you did when the event took place.  You may feel like you’re going through the event again.  This is called a flashback. Sometimes there is a trigger: a sound or sight that causes you to relive the event.  Triggers might include:

  • Hearing a car backfire, which can bring back memories of gunfire and war for a combat veteran.
  • Seeing a car accident, which can remind a crash survivor of his or her own accident.
  • Seeing a news report of a sexual assault, which may bring back memories of assault for a woman who was raped.    Source:  WebMed.com

The explanation for my trigger stems from childhood sexual abuse by a neighbour.  He was forever underneath the hood of his car, working endlessly on I don’t know what, but all I can recall is he had dirty hands, and filthy black, greasy fingernails.  Therefore, to this day, if my eyes catch a glimpse of this sight anywhere, in a split second I am six years old again being raped.

I’ve spent years in psychotherapy focussing on PTSD for with my childhood sexual abuse, and each time I believe I have a control of it, with flashbacks and nightmares not interfering in my everyday life, up pops the dreaded triggers followed by flashbacks.

The good news is, I recover much quicker than I used to, however, reliving this shit continually still takes its toll.  Amazing how the mind works when your soul is broken, yet I’ve learned to cope.  For all of you out there, accept that it’s friggin’ tough, and don’t forget to shout to those people who say “just get over it”, with your response, “just walk a mile in my shoes for once”.

~~~Deb

**I’m reposting this article from 2015, as I’m not only reexperiencing the triggers of sexual abuse causing flashbacks, the narcissism isssue with my mother is also triggering nightmares and interfering with my life.

10 thoughts on “PTSD, Narcissism & TRIGGERS: Reliving the crap all over and over again

    • cherished79 says:

      I thank you for your comforting words and feel so guilty for not replying sooner. Right now I’m not blogging regularly here as I’ve got some other projects I’m involved with. Suddenly I became interested in writing children’s books! I’ve never written for children but it’s really enjoyable, and frankly an escape from writing daily about mental illness. I’m also posting on another blogging platform, where I’m able to write and research other interests and post about those curiosities of mine. If you care to take a peek https://niume.com/pages/profile/?userID=25982 Lots of exposure to my posts and only started in Feb 2016. Best to you, Deb

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Unknown Self says:

    I understand. Really, I do. sighs People do not understand the struggle and think it is matter of negative thinking vs. positive thinking. They don’t understand the intrusive thoughts and the following brain chemistry changes, emotional changes and how long it settles in. I wish you continued healing.

    Like

  2. emergingfromthedarknight says:

    Thinking of you and sending love energy, Deb. Trauma stays so deeply embedded in us. My mother is the worlds offender when it comes to “just get over it” comments. Not possible with trauma. People don’t truly understand until they live the night mare, trauma lives deep in body and brain. Stay strong and that means being able to own your own vulnerability as well as the strength and power it takes to deal with the “shit”.

    Like

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