Maternal Narcissism ~ Mom, I wish you could have said these words to me…

Recalling my childhood, my mother seldom had any positive or encouraging words for me, mainly heartless or cruel remarks, only criticizing me for one thing or another spewed from her mouth.  She was continually displeased, and only now recognizing that it would be impossible to accomplish ever pleasing this woman.

I was thinking the other day, what words would myself and perhaps others wish their narcissistic moms compassionately said to them.

Mom, if only you could have said:

  • I know you don’t lie, of course I believe you
  • Always come to me when you’re upset or angry, I love you
  • I’ll always believe in you, whatever your dreams are
  • Let’s just have a girl’s day out once in a while, your choice, whatever you want
  • You look so cute in those clothes
  • Don’t focus on body image, it’s what’s inside
  • You’re more important to me than anything
  • I’m so proud of you.
  • I love reading your stories/artwork/playing games
  • You smell so nice and clean
  • Don’t always spend time in your bedroom, we should spend more time together
  • Your feelings matter, you have a right to your opinion, I’m not always right and remember, we all make mistakes
  • You look like something is bothering you, want to talk about it?
  • Let me take care of you when you’re so sick, how about hot tea? Or I’ll sit beside you or we’ll lay in bed together
  • Sure, have your friends over anytime, they are always welcome
  • You’re so precious to me, having a daughter is a blessing
  • Anything you want to ask me, go right ahead
  • I love the way you laugh
  • I’m sorry, it’s my fault, not yours/my mistake sorry I made you feel bad
  • You are worthy, don’t let anyone make you feel that you are not
  • Someone is going to be a lucky man to have you as his wife.

30 thoughts on “Maternal Narcissism ~ Mom, I wish you could have said these words to me…

  1. HI,
    I am dealing with these issues with my own daughter, my oldest
    Congratulations on being Danny Ray’s featured blogger. I was his featured blogger too!
    Maybe you can visit my site if you need a blogging tip or two. That’s what I blog about.


  2. Great read! It was a reminder that we all have to be careful with our words. My pastor’s sermon touched on this yesterday and your post tied right in to some of the things that he was saying.


  3. Pingback: Featured Bloggers 1/24/16: Networking 101 | Dream Big, Dream Often

          1. Thank you. It was very difficult and made me feel as though something was wrong with me. Mom died 10 years ago this year and she had always been so distant and would not even allow my wife to set door in the place – however shortly before she died she asked for Jessica – we went in together, not know quite what to expect.


              1. It was a little strange because her Senile Dementia had proceeded further, she had been in a locked ward for sometime. She seemed to light up when she saw Jessica though I had to remind her who she was. We took her out into the grounds in a wheelchair for a walk and then she went back inside. Jessica did not see her again and myself just once more the evening before she died. Jessica arranged the funeral.


  4. cestlavieladypatience

    Bless your heart. I don’t have a narcissistic mom but my grandmother is one to the max! She’s nothing but a toxic ball of negativity. There’s no one way to deal with people like this. Any and everything we say or do is always wrong. Thank God for sanity and forgiveness.


    1. It’s impossible to deal with people that are narcissistic, yet it took years to finally realize it. After reconciliations with my parents, that forever ended in disappointments and hurt, I finally got it through my thick skull that I would never have this family that I dreamed of. Thanks for commenting and stopping by. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. This hits me very hard because growing up my mom was very strict, mean, and short-tempered. She always criticized my self-image and it took years of therapy to undo the psychological damage she did with her words. Thanks for posting this. Not everyone gets to have the kind sweet mom. Some moms are just toxic and emotionally abusive.


    1. Yes, and it takes a whole lifetime to realize that you did nothing wrong to deserve this treatment. So many times I would question myself “why do I make her so mad?”. You walk in the door coming home from school, and you don’t know if you will be greeted by a good “hi, mom” or a bad “hi, mom”. Now I know why I always wanted to stay after school.
      As for the kind sweet mom….I rarely saw that also. Hugs to you. Deb

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Reblogged this on Confidences sur le divan and commented:

    Pour commencer l’année 2016, voici quelques mots que tout enfant mérite d’entendre des lèvres de sa mère. J’ai été privée de tout cela, bien-sûr mais je compte bien ne pas reproduire ces carences sur mes propres enfants…
    C’est en anglais, sorry mais c’est au Canada ou aux US que je trouve le plus de blogs en résonnance avec mes attentes et mes névroses.

    Happy new year to all of you! May your desires and dream come true in 2016…


  7. Hello Deb,
    As you know, my mother was/is also toxic and narcissic. I wish I could hear such words from my mother also. I try now to be a different mother for my daughter. Thank you so much for this article. 🙂


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