Panic Moments

I worked for my company for six years, then left unexpectedly due to “can’t take it this job any longer” depression, then resulting in long-term disability three years ago.  I never disclosed to anyone the struggle with my mental illness the entire time I was employed, largely due to trust issues and stigma.  The lunch ladies weren’t honorable; a bunch of gossipers with loose lips, so actually no one knew why I quickly departed.

During this time away from my job, I’ve only run into about five people, but then I don’t venture out much, and fortunately a quick ‘hello’, ‘good-bye’ ensued.  However, yesterday I was out for groceries, passed my former manager in one of the aisles, and was uncertain if she spotted me or merely strolled on by.  I wasn’t especially fond of her, wasn’t one to whom I could disclose my personal life, nor was I fascinated about hers, but my chief concern and huge relief was that she didn’t stop so we’d have a phoney ‘chat’.  A true awkward moment for me.

Imagine that, I was practically in a panic.  What would I say?  Years ago I never found myself in this dilemma, then again I was social and not isolated as I am today.  Depression robs you of your self-esteem, self-confidence and you.


8 thoughts on “Panic Moments

  1. doomcore says:

    I run away from people I encounter out there. The worst is the look of pity and concern in their eyes, like we’re half-drowned kittens, not worthy of real human affection but worth only a passing “aww”.


    • cherished79 says:

      When you do run into them, Yes, it’s the “get me out of here” feeling and the other person wants to chat about themselves, and you start walking away and they don’t notice. Thanks for commenting. 🙂


  2. girl71282 says:

    Sorry you had to experience that uncomfortable moment. I too will dash to the other side of the store or go to an aisle that is completely full just to avoid people. People I called my friends. Even family that I don’t talk to much, so I know exactly how you feel. I’m starting therapy again for the fourth time, within a month, so once I get some help on this topic, I will relay it to you! Just remember, you’re not alone!


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