PTSD & Dissociation

While going though therapy, I had a rough time with dissociation (splitting) and recognize it still recurring at times.   With PTSD, it’s been a bumpy road in psychotherapy, and experiencing the flashbacks and nightmares makes me question if I should have sought out therapy in the first place.

17 thoughts on “PTSD & Dissociation

  1. weareonebyruth says:

    Disappearing is difficult to explain. My counselor explained that dissociation is on a continuum. It is a powerful way to survive horror but sucks for thriving and feeling connected. I no longer disappear completely but I do retreat to my inner most self for a time. The stronger I get, the more thankful I am that I tackled the hardest thing I have ever done, counseling. It is not for the faint at heart. I keep thriving as a goal and each day I am starting to realize I am achieving that goal.

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    • cherished79 says:

      Kudos to you for trudging through therapy. I didn’t realize what I was getting into when agreeing to participate in this “study” for sexual abuse survivors. I had never had therapy for depression nor the abuse and it was hellish recalling the past. I felt it backfired on me when recurring hospitalization was required and the depression remained year after year. It has taken years to recover, yet I now realize that it’s a positive to recount the crap that happened way back when and finally realize that it wasn’t my fault.

      I’m proud of you for having the strength the push through obstacles to achieve your goal. hugs

      Liked by 1 person

  2. OzzyGirl says:

    I have had this debate countless times with myself over the years. In the end I always come back to the belief that untreated PTSD will not get better and often gets worse. So I choose to walk in and face it. The more I do, the stronger I get. The last trigger was bad and it sent everything at me. I had the tools that come from years of therapy, years of doing the hard work and years of facing it all knowing I’m not fuck’n crazy. I am almost done with this recent battle. I have had a trigger flash at me with the accompanying thoughts of ” here it comes, you’re going to panic ” and have been able to breathe & talk myself down before loosing my shit. First time in my life. Never give up on you. Sending you peace.

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    • cherished79 says:

      PTSD, sometimes you can almost feel people’s eyes roll, “can’t be that bad, what’s all of this PTSD stuff” they think. My parents would fit into that category, and really the conclusion is that they caused the most harm (more than the abuser), the way they handled the entire situation. A couple of inept parents, who’s attitude was “the past is the past, get over it”. Well it ‘aint that easy, is it.

      What I didn’t know was agreeing to participate in this hospital “study” for sexual abuse survivors was going to lead to hell. I had never had therapy for depression nor the abuse and with it started the flashbacks and nightmares, so I felt it backfired when the never ending hospital admissions started coupled with the black depression. Yet I now realize that I had to face the crap that happened way back when and finally realize that it wasn’t my fault. It sucks though, and while the abusers have probably never thought about it throughout their lives, I have throughout mine. Seems unfair.

      Think how very strong you are, a survivor and can hold your head high. hugs Deb

      Liked by 1 person

  3. starkinsanity says:

    I’m currently in that rabbit warren myself. I have good therapy sessions, but sometimes the consequences are terrifying. The good part is that it does help, and you slowly begin to see that bit by bit as time goes by. x

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    • cherished79 says:

      Yes, so true and my therapist has taught me “grounding” and deep breathing. When I first began therapy in the 1990’s, sometimes I felt like I was completely in la-la land and she would have to bring me back. I’m much better now, yet if I get triggered, I sometimes “disappear” for a bit. Difficult to explain unless you’ve experience it.
      Thanks for commenting.

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          • starkinsanity says:

            I like that you said it’s not fair. In my family we have a “suck it up and deal with it” attitude,and whilst they hate what was done to me, I don’t think anyone else but my therapist has said it wasn’t fair. Thank you x

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            • cherished79 says:

              You totally understand then, and when my parents handled the whole mess so ineptly (which was worse than the abuse), they just preferred to sweep it under the rug, never to mention it again, and dealt with it as “the past is the past” and “get on with your life, what’s the big deal”. Meanwhile, for the rest of your life you are dealing with it, the abuser lived his and he is dead, and my parents can sleep every night in peace.

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        • cherished79 says:

          It’s difficult to describe, how someone could be talking with you and you are looking at them, yet your mind is someplace else. Really strange feeling and you don’t even realize what’s happening. I think I’m better, then at times I still fly off.

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