Can I tell? Will I tell? Should I tell?
Will they believe, will they laugh, will they comfort?
Will they act, will they turn me away, will I cry?
Will I be damaged goods, will I be whole again, will I ever be me?
Did I make this up, did this really happen, am I sure?
Was it dark, was it morning, afternoon?

My mind is cloudy, no it’s not, it’s clear
It happened

Did it smell, yes it did, he did
Why didn’t I fight, why was I weak, why was I stupid?
Sure I knew better, no I didn’t, they said I should have
It’s confusing, I’m confused, why are you confused?
You think I’m lying, I know you do, why?

Is there light ahead, will I live, am I strong?
Do I want to die, yes I do, yet I don’t
Please save me, no don’t, I want to die
I’m in tears right now, look what you’ve done, leave me alone

The pain, it’s too much
It’s your fault, not mine
I’m cold, you think these thin blankets are comfort?
I shouldn’t have told


(reposted from Jan 27/14, I find myself struggling with PTSD as I was last year)

18 thoughts on “TELL

  1. Finallyspeakingmytruth says:

    I love this and hate this at the same time. Love it because it puts to words the confusion, the pain. That want help but not wanting it at the sane time. I hate it be she’s it just shouldn’t be. It shouldn’t have happened. Thank you for being brave enough to write it. Hugs to you.


    • cherished79 says:

      Thanks, I actually composed this with my eyes shut while typing, so I could feel the emotions that took place when the sexual abuse occurred, ultimately ending when I told. Unexpectedly and effortlessly, the words just flowed.



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