Eating Disorders: Anorexia: Not eating? What’s the problem….

I used to think like that in my very, very obese days.  You would see women under 100 lbs, unwell, thin as a stick, in hospital, their parents troubled, and question, why don’t they just eat, what’s the problem, it doesn’t make sense and so simple to solve?  Eating Disorders, anorexia, bulimia and there are others.

The Person:

Eating disorders are a true “walk a mile in my shoes“, because you don’t know the hell I’m living with; isolated, depressed, suicidal, never satisfied with my body, obsessed with food 24 hours a day, loss of friends, obsessed with body image, counting calories, always cold, the scale determines my day when I weigh myself in the morning and throughout the day…..and the list goes on.  This is not a life, and how did I get tied up in this mess?   I just wanted to look good, feel good, fit in, not be bullied, please my parents and be beautiful for once in my life.  Is that too much to ask, all I ever wanted was to see my collar bone and the gap between my thighs?

~~

Before I was in the midst of undergoing an eating disorder myself, I never had an inkling what goes on in the mind of surviving day by day, and it’s not, surprisingly enough, about food. It’s not that I refused to eat it, I just couldn’t or wouldn’t allow myself to.  Seems bizarre doesn’t it.  At first I was proud of the fact that I had the power to skip meals, go out with friends and order a diet coke and salad while they ate what they wanted, exhilarated as the pounds dropped, but then it just all became a fucking nightmare.  I’ve recovered somewhat with help from the Eating Disorder Program, but I continue to have body image problems, weight concerns and experience depression.

I really just want to say:  Don’t judge or reach an opinion until you’ve walked in my shoes.

~~~~ Deb

 

7 thoughts on “Eating Disorders: Anorexia: Not eating? What’s the problem….

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  2. ambivalencegirl says:

    And then AN can take one to the place of not even being able to order a diet coke or any fountain drink because you don’t trust it is actually “diet”. I just stopped drinking diet pop all together because it was a panic attack waiting to happen. It’s crazy making and having insight into my own illogical behaviors makes it worse. I developed my ED when I was a teen but it peaked when I was a junior in college and stole my early and mid 20’s. I was nearly sx free in my 30’s but relapsed into ED madness again in my 40’s. I’ll probably always eat differently but I’m okay with not being normal because I am healthy now.

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  3. halliecantu says:

    Reblogged this on halliecantu and commented:
    “Just eat.” I hear it all the time. What people don’t know… We want to eat but we can’t. Nobody will every understand what it’s really like until they’ve experience a day in the life of somebody with an eating disorder.

    Like

    • cherished79 says:

      So true, we just have to keep educating the same as we do with mental illness ~ it’s stigma and not understanding. Thanks for your comment.

      Like

    • cherished79 says:

      True, true, true. I’ve judged people in the past also; I’m not perfect, but I’ve also learned not too and feel so much better.
      Thanks for commenting.

      Like

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