This “Everything Happens for a Reason” crap

I think about this statement often and it pisses me to no end.  What precisely does it mean, and why do people say it?  Does it mean when there is a world disaster, a school shooting, childhood sexual abuse, serial murderers and rapists, riots, war veterans killed or any other horrible occurrence, it happened for a reason?  Please explain.

For me, it goes way back to my very ill years struggling with major depression and my mother once commenting the ever so “everything happens for a reason” words.  Really, mom?  You mean the sexual abuse, which led to therapy, which led to depression, which led to hospitals a myriad of meds, which led to suicide attempts, which led to losing my career, almost my house, hubby losing his job, losing friends etc.  What exactly do you mean?

I don’t believe people recognize how much these words can sting, it’s almost a “whatever”.  IMO, just support that person, show comfort and most of all keep your trap shut.


11 thoughts on “This “Everything Happens for a Reason” crap

  1. robin1967 says:

    I too have a difficult time accepting this phrase. I’ve always struggled to understand why horrible things have to happen. It’s a rather dismissive platitude most of the time, spouted by well meaning people, I’m sure.


    • cherished79 says:

      People just don’t know what to say perhaps, so something they’ve heard other people say is this confusing phrase? Maybe they don’t understand it either because I sure don’t get it. As I said in my post, best to keep the ‘trap shut’. Thanks for your comment.


  2. Marie says:

    I hate it when other people say it to me. I try to tell myself that and make myself believe it just to make myself feel better… but I really hate it when other people tell it to me cause they have no idea and they don’t know that it happens for a reason and why would it happen? Then they usually try to bring up some religious reason, which I mean, yes I generally believe in God, but when they try to throw religion into the picture it really makes me not want to.


    • cherished79 says:

      I know, just zip the lip, but I think after the words spew out the their mouths they have to justify them with religion perhaps? Beats me, I’m still wondering about the phrase. Thanks for leaving a comment.


  3. narcopathcrusher says:

    My abusive mother told me the same thing once: ”everything happens for a reason”. I answered her: Yes. And the reason i am depressed is because you are a malignant narcissist.
    She didnt like it. I am currently no contact with her and doing fine without medication.


    • cherished79 says:

      Yes, it was my toxic mother who said this to me, she is also the one who ruined my life as a child but as soon as you bring up anything that she doesn’t want to hear it’s, well Deb, “you know, the past is the past and it can’t be changed”. Yeah, sure…. My mother and I have cut ties also and I am so much happier, but sadly to say I’m still ON meds. Thanks for commenting. Mom’s don’t like a comeback or criticism (mind your manners).

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hope says:

      The response I’ve heard that I loved was, “Yeah, everything happens for a reason. Usually the reason is that people make bad decisions.” I use that one now, and it almost always shuts people up.


  4. Hope says:

    I understand this so well. It’s a phrase I’d like to see eliminated altogether. It’s so dismissive, and when I hear it, I feel like it’s just a polite way of being told to shut up.


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