ANOREXIA: 1ST EATING DISORDER GROUP A DISASTER

After my diagnosis:  Anorexia, it was mandatory to attend four (2 hr.) Psych Eating Disorder groups to proceed with the program. The first group was a disaster.

Eight people were seated in a circle. (This was the group?  All young girls?).  First off, no one except me was over 20 and here I am in my late 50’s’; I felt awkward to say the least, also, each one was ‘pencil thin’.  Me, the fattest (140 lbs.), and sensing everyone thinking, “why is she here?”

I recognize this is an ED group, and do recall the intake interview phrase “you don’t have to look anorexic to have anorexia” however, it made it unpleasant.  I just couldn’t concentrate on the group’s subject: nutrition.

At break time, I conveyed my feelings to the group leader who said she would try and place me in another four week group with people around my own age.  I chose not to remain for the next hour and went home.

Now, why was this such a disaster…… I could be these girl’s mother, and then got this bizarre notion “that I would have to lose weight to fit into these groups!!!!”.  Also, at the beginning of the group, the leader stated, “You girls must have been under stress with exams”, EXAMS???  The last time I wrote exams was in 1975 when I graduated high school!!!!  Kinda comical really.

I’ve got to think about this if I want to continue.  I’ll keep you posted.

9 thoughts on “ANOREXIA: 1ST EATING DISORDER GROUP A DISASTER

  1. kanundra says:

    I totally get where you are coming from. When I attended Cheadle. I too thought that way. I was (heavier) than you but most of the girls there were really thin. It made me feel awful, but it didn’t detract that I hadn’t eaten in 6mths, and I had dropped so much weight, my ed had been with me for 13 years. From 284lb to 140, it wasn’t a good thing. Because of my size, people never saw it till I with my husbands help told them all. I was also older than most. Keep going, they may be young, but they’re still suffering as you are.

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    • cherished79 says:

      Yes, I am going to have to face this, I think fear is what it is. Being over the 200+ lb. mark my whole life, you really get used to that, and looking at those pics of me at my heaviest (I think 260) compared to now 140 is pretty good. But I still feel and look fat; don’t know if that will ever change. Frankly I am petrified to ever gain it all back (that’s probably why I have an eating disorder).

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      • kanundra says:

        I totally get where you’re coming from, it’s not easy. But you really won’t gain it all back. Although I gained some, I am far happier now than I ever was. you have to give it a real go, whole heartily. x

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        • cherished79 says:

          It just gets to be the scale that I hate. Weighing myself everyday, sometimes 2X, and my mood for the day is ruled by that scale and I hate it. It used to matter before but now it’s gotten out of hand. Thanks for caring. Deb

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          • kanundra says:

            It’s the hardest thing ever to do, but do you think you can throw away your scales. I took a hammer to mine, was the best thing I ever did at the time 🙂 It’s never going to be easy but the hard things are worth fighting for. You’re not alone in your age or weight range, you can always poke or talk to me. What ever happens, keep the chatter coming, no matter how hard. You can beat this.

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  2. primroseblossom says:

    It might not mean much, but I do think you should continue, at least to give it a shot. If it doesn’t work then fine; but if you never try you’ll never know. It sounds like terrible luck to be in a group of such young people! I felt like the odd one out in my first group because I was the youngest, they were all at least 10 years older than me, and seriously- like I said on your last personal thingy, everyone thinks they’re the fattest. I guarantee, every one of those ‘pencil thin’ girls will have gone home feeling like they should lose weight to fit in. A girl on the ward who looked like she would snap in a strong breeze once cried to me and said she had been exercising like mad to ‘fit in’ with the other girls since she felt ‘so fat she couldn’t belong there’.
    All you can do is accept that’s how you feel and try to go anyway, because regardless of whatever they are doing you are there for your emotional wellbeing, and that is the most important thing- not what anorexia tells you will make you happy, but what will work in the long run.

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    • cherished79 says:

      Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. I am having such a hard time with this problem, but I am going to stay open-minded and see what happens in the weeks to come. A caseworker is suppose to get in touch with me in the next 2 weeks, so we will go from there. It does sound like a good program, but the road is going to be long. Deb

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  3. annarosemeeds says:

    I am sorry that it was so difficult. Numerous groups that I have been in have had women and men all different ages with different types of eating disorders. Hopefully you can find one like that.

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    • cherished79 says:

      Well I’m hoping they can put me into a group with people at least in their 40’s. It just feels so awkward with young people as I don’t have children to begin with, so relating to teens is hard on me to start with, let alone having a conversation about this subject. Thanks for commenting. Deb

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