Who was I kidding, reuniting again with my mother.  I should have left things alone after no communication for three years, but no I had these grand ideas in May of this year of reconciling.  How many times have I attempted to make it work before? Three, perhaps four?  I’ve never truly had this woman’s tenderness or support for fifty some odd years, and it ‘aint ever going to happen.

Why can’t I get this through my thick skull and I allow myself to be disillusioned repeatedly?  But, was craving for parents, namely a mother who truly loved me instead of criticizing and showing my brother the same affection that I deserved, too much to ask for?  I don’t think it was.

You constantly told me to lose weight, criticized me too many times, making me feel worthless and sub-par.  I lost weight when you saw me this May, I thought you’d be so proud of me and things would be different; guess it didn’t matter.

But mom, you surpassed yourself this time, with selfish words again, and presented the “toxic mother” that you are, sent in reply to an e-mail a few days ago.

You are aware of my struggles with depression on and off for many years and these past few months have been particularly difficult.  I described to you how close I was to hospitalization at times, coupled with an eating disorder that is gaining control and of great concern.  Undertaking this illness will take much effort and strength.  I even mentioned that many women who have depression/mental illness or childhood sexual abuse in their past can lead to an eating disorder later in life.  I explained that this is taking a toll on me, I have a lot on my plate, and that Tom (my brother) will have to be there for you when you have your surgery in the New Year.

I know you wrote “sorry” referring to my dilemma, but that was it.

Your next words were how disappointed you were that “I wouldn’t be there for you when you needed me most”, and Tom will have to help out all on his own now.  “It is what it is, we will just have to live with it”, you said.  Those were your last words. I really don’t seem to matter to you, do I, who cares what I’m going through?

My last words to you are; goodbye forever, and I really mean forever this time.

Not your daughter anymore,


See my previous article: Toxic Parents


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I am a Mental Health Advocate for mental illness Stigma. In 2007, I created the "Living in Stigma" blog, with the purpose and anticipation of educating people about mental illness. Depression is part of this illness, which intertwines with those struggling with PTSD, chronic pain, and other invisible illnesses. I am a chronic migraine sufferer myself, and a sexual and emotional abuse survivor. My passions are writing, poetry, and art. All abuse Survivors are also Warriors.


  1. Deb:
    You and I must have the same mother, only I have a sister who is younger than me. She was the favorite; the sun rose and set on her, and I too was sexually abused by a friend of my father’s. My mom pretended it never happened, ignored it and pretty much ignored me growing up and I felt sometimes she blamed me for it. I just couldn’t figure it out. She always said in so many words “I knew you wouldn’t amount to anything”, because I didn’t go to college like my sister. My sister thinks my mother is wonderful of course, she was good and kind to her, how else would she feel, but she does agree that I seemed to get the brunt of the criticism.

    I broke off ties with both my sister and mother. I really miss my sister but I DON’T miss my mother’s nasty, hurtful tongue. You have to decide what you want to keep in your life and sometimes you have to give up what isn’t healthy for you even if it means family. She’s still alive, but I heard she lives alone and is lonely. Too bad I say. Deb, thinking of you. Jill.


    1. Sorry you had to go through this also in your life. Our mother’s will never ‘get’ what they’ve done because I honestly don’t think in their minds they’ve done anything wrong, and you know what, they will never get it. Take care. Deb


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